The Power to Forgive, the Power to Move on.

About two years ago, things started getting really ugly between me and one of my best friends. In short, I started dating a guy, I probably talked about him a lot and seemed pretty distracted, and she started acting very mean in a very short time.

Right before my wedding, 9 months ago, things got even worse. False, very offensive rumors were being spread about me, I was ready to explode nearly every minute with stress and anger towards her. I let a lot of it out to my closest friends, but kept so much anger, so much bitterness, so much.... hatred.. inside. I had never known such a powerful, dangerous-feeling emotion before. Sure, I had gotten into fights before and I often stayed angry for a little longer than I would now, but what I felt towards this girl was pure rage.

It ate away at my happiness. At my wedding (which she attended, since I invited her before our really bad fight), I found myself wishing she would get up and leave. She watched me and smiled at me all the time. I can't stand fake. Anything fake. And we were both putting on a show for the sake of our other friends around us. On my wedding day, something like that should be the last thing on my mind.

About a month ago, I sat on my bed alone. I had the whole house to myself. I had been having angry thoughts towards her again after she was brought up at a Bible study. Everyone was talking about her like she was just another person. But she wasn't. Her name made my blood boil. My mind would go fuzzy while it brought up all those year old memories of screaming at each other, the passive aggressive remarks on the internet, to our other friends, the days where I considered just yelling the most vile things into her face to try and make her feel like I was.

As I sat on my bed, I cried to myself because I felt like it would never be over. She had moved away, yes. But she'd be back in the summer. And because we shared a lot of friends, I could never escape her completely. I was in just as much turmoil as I was when those moments were actually happening.

I had been growing farther away from God in the last year. I felt it. I knew it. And deep inside of me, I knew I needed to seek Him first and then my peace would come. But I am so stubborn and let other things come before God. But it's been getting better, thanks to the guidance of my wonderful husband. I've been more relaxed and happy in this last month. I nearly forgot about her.

And then, on Friday, I came home for lunch. I had a facebook message from her, asking if I wanted to hang out with her this week. I didn't know what to say. I had asked about 4 months ago to get together one last time so we could at least act civil when we do see each other. But she hadn't responded. And suddenly, as I read her words that were so un-naturally friendly for how things were left between us, I realized something. Things were never going to work out. We did not get along and that's just how it is.

When I told her this, she got angry with me, called me names I won't repeat. But you know what? I wasn't mad. Of course my first reaction was to let hate raise its ugly head again and hurl insults back, but the feeling passed so quickly. I suddenly understood something. I had forgiven. I had move on with my life.

She didn't take my words nicely, but I hope one day she'll realize that I really don't hold anything against her. It feels amazing to say it, to be able to even type those words out. I forgive her. I forgive myself for the things I did wrong. It's over. Just because I can't be friends with her doesn't mean she's a bad person, or that I think less of her. She told me she had realized I'm "really not worth it", and told me to have a nice life, and just as I was about to react, God whispered in my ear. And I will forever remember what I heard.

"No one is EVER 'not worth it'. I simply put them on this earth for someone other than you to love with a fierce devotion. Every one my children are precious, sacred, and so loved."


To anyone of you who has gone through the pain of losing one of your best friends, you know what I'm talking about when I say it's heart wrenching. I felt so much pain, not only from how things ended, but that they did, in fact, end. But I have so much peace now, and I can only hope she finds it too. We both have so many people that love us dearly and most importantly, the same Heavenly Father.

Curiosity Killed the.... Faith.

     People are smart. There is no question about it, we are the smartest creatures on our planet. We were designed that way and can use our intelligence in great ways. However, with the benefit of being smart comes the disadvantage of being smart. We question ourselves into confusion.
     How many little details are out there that Christians bicker about? How many times do people argue about what heaven will be like, why God doesn't heal amputees, if there even is a hell, ect. All these questions that Christians are "supposed" to know seem to swirl around us and cause us to become overwhelmed. You know what you say to those questions? "I don't know." Why is there shame in saying, "I don't know,"? Think back to when you're parents would make a decision that you didn't understand. Would it be necessary for you to know exactly why they made that choice? You'd probably ask until they would tell you that it's for the best or something. But you trusted them. When you were a baby and didn't understand the world at all, you trusted your parents to take care of you.
     God wants us to trust Him completely. We have no reason not to. We don't need to worry about why God did this, or why He didn't do that, or why the Bible says this, but doesn't cover that. We just need to remain in contact with God and trust His plan. The Bible doesn't tell you the answer to a question you have? No problem. We have constant access to God's wisdom through prayer. He'll give you the answer you need. But sometimes you just need to sit back and let God do the planning and working. He does know what He's doing and our curiosity and desire to know everything shouldn't hinder our trust. Sometimes we will be confused, scared or even demanding of an explanation, but those aren't feelings that are necessary.
     Now I'm not telling you not to be curious and seek answers, but rather to admit your own shortcomings when it comes to understanding God and His plans. Look for the answers, but also realize when to just trust in God. We won't have the answers to everything and to think we should damaged our faith in our Lord's plans.
     Do not feel obligated to give answers to these questions if they are thrown at you. Yes, we are to spread God's word, but if you don't know the answer, you're just spreading your own opinion. By saying, "I don't know," you are opening the gates so that God can teach you. If you admit you don't understand something, maybe some people will take it as a sign of weakness in faith, but ultimately God will then be able to help you. The next time that question comes around, you can then tell them exactly what God told you :)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. ~Proverbs 3:5

Good is Not Good Enough.

     How many times have you looked at someone and thought, "I'm doing better than them."? Have you ever seen someone who is maybe making some bad choices and you think to yourself, "God is happier with me than He is with them. I'm better in God's eyes."?
     As humans, we tend to compare ourselves with other people. We compare our clothes, our wealth, our social status, our morals, our personality, everything! It is almost a sub conscience action that we don't mean to do half the time. However, God sees us as the same. When we are saved, we become one in the body of Christ. We are the same, we are free and we are forgiven. The Bible says quite frankly that God does not see one man as better than another.

For God does not show favoritism. -Romans 2:11 (NIV)

     I have had this mind set for a lot of my life. I look at something I've done that I'm not so happy about then I look for someone who's done something that I think is worse than my own actions and tell myself, "Well, they've committed an even bigger sin, so at least I'm better than them." I look to justify my own actions by telling myself I'm better off than them. 
     Let me ask you, if you saw someone steal a fancy camera out of a store, would you then steal a pack of batteries because it's not as valuable as that camera? Would you tell yourself that it's okay because the other guy stole something worth more, therefore committing a bigger crime? No, stealing is stealing. The same applies to sin. Sin is sin. There's no lesser sin and there's no sin that's the worst of them all. 
     Not only do we need to stop judging other people's actions as "worse" than ours, we need to own up to our own faults. Stop trying get out of taking responsibility. Yes, our sins are forgiven, there's no need to feel guilty, but we do need to take control of our own lives, not just compare ourselves to others. Concentrate on your own decisions and don't make excuses for yourself. It will make your life a lot less stressful.

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, 

and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. - Galations 6:4 (NLT)

If We Are the Body..?

But if we are the body, why aren't His arms reaching? Why aren't His hands healing? Why aren't His words teaching? And if we are the body, why aren't His feet going? 

Why is His love not showing them there is a way?

Those are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, If We the Body by Casting Crowns. And they speak volumes. Ask yourself those questions. Why isn't His love making a bigger difference throughout the world? Why is it being held back? You know why? Because we hold it back.

How many of you pray for something, then forget about it until you realize you should pray about it again? I've done that plenty of times. You see, we're always taught that God can do anything. And He can. But we need to let Him work in us. If we listen to Him and obey what He's telling us, we will see great things done with and in our lives. If we resist Him though, we're pushing His power away.

When you pray for something, how do you expect Him to answer? As an example, I'm sure we all pray for the homeless or starving people of this world at some point in our lives. And that's great. But what do you expect to happen? Clothes to magically appear in front of them? Food to rain down from the sky? Someone else to help them? Here's an interesting thought to ponder. Why don't you be the answer to his and your prayers? What if you pray and pray for God to help the poor man on the street, but He is telling you, "My child, you are the help he needs. Spread my love." 

We have such a powerful calling. We are God's hands and feet! He works through us. How awesome is that?? But we have to actually let Him do His thing. Yes, pray about it. Ask God for guidance. Ask Him what to do, what to say, how to help. But almost every problem that we see, we can do something about it! Why? Because God wants to work through us. He wants to show us how to help each other and show His love to everyone. He's right there, ready to listen to our concerns and worries and to help us figure stuff out. But we also need to be there for Him. If we all just sat back and said, "Okay, God. You do it by yourself," what would happen? I'm sure He could do that, but it's not His will. Part of having faith in God is taking action. He's given us everything we need to help. Now we need to do our part, listen to Him and take action!

James 2:14-17 

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?  If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?                           So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

It's Just a Movie, It Won't Influence Me.

     I'll admit it, I have a bit of a liking for Dr. Phil. I don't run to turn on the TV when I know his show is on, but I have no trouble flipping to watch him if the tv is already on. So I switched to channel 5 today to see what Dr. Phil was talking about today and was taken by surprise. He was talking to two actors from a religious movie. They were talking about faith. And no matter how much that surprised me, what I, myself, almost did surprised me even more. I almost changed the channel.
     See, whether the show is really dramatic or just a little, we get sucked in. I don't watch his shows on child molesters or cheating spouses, but even the ones where he has lippy mother-in-laws I find funny. But when there is an episode with no drama, just pure faith-centered discussion  I nearly turn it off. It was eye opening.
     We really need to be more careful what we allow in our homes. Mostly in regards to what we watch and listen to. How many of you watch a movie and just ignore the swearing? What about when a movie has an overall bad message? What are you getting from the shows you watch? See, you can say that you won't let the words you hear come out of your own mouth. And when you are calm and clear minded, yeah, you can control yourself. But what happens when you get angry or excited? Those things slip out and you didn't even know they were in your head. What you listen to and what you see goes into your mind.
     You may say, "but there are no good movies without swearing!" First of all, if you watch movies that are playing on TV, it's most likely censored. They are pretty good that way. Second, there are TONS of good, clean movies. You just have to do your research and look around. Don't just go to the "popular" movies.
     Stand up for what you believe in. Don't compromise on entertainment, search for positive influences in your life. Wanna check out a great film? Try the movie "Have a Little Faith". It's the one that was on Dr. Phil and looks like a real winner :)

What Are You Sitting On Right Now?

     Hi, so I'm sitting on a couch. Yep, a big, soft, cushy couch. It's nice. What about you? What are you sitting on? An office chair? Your bed? A wooden stool? The floor? Maybe a on chair in school while you're supposed to be working on geography questions :P
     Anywhere you are sitting, chances are that you take it for granted. I do. This old, ripped couch I'm curled up on? I don't even think about it most times. I chuck junk mail on it, I toss lunch boxes, binders, purses, even my laptop on it almost every day. It's just... there. But what if it all of a sudden disappeared? Would I notice? Oh yeah. I'd have no place to pile all my junk onto, haha :P
     So a couch or chair or stool or even a floor are some things we take for granted. Whenever we thank God for something, we think of the most basic things that always pop into our head. Like family, friends, food, stuff like that. But where's our gratitude for the little, seemingly insignificant details? Like ceiling fans so that when I burn supper I can disperse the smoke all over the house and diminish the smell :P Or window coverings, so I can sit on my couch in my pj's without my neighbors waving at me as they pass by. Hey, have you ever thanked God for your microwave so you can make pizza pops even if you are in a hurry? The list could go on for forever. Sit still and just look around at all that you have. It's pretty amazing.
     So instead of just repeating those words like, "Thank you, God, for my friends and family and this food," add something else. Thank you, God, for big garbage bags so that I can throw out a really, really big load of trash at once! It's awesome, try it :)

Nitpicking Ourselves Into Confusion

I'll admit it, sometimes I am picky about details. Well... almost all the time, actually. I need everything to be perfect and to know that I did something completely right. I know a lot of people are like this, and it's definitely not always a bad thing. However, there are certain situations where being picky means frustrating the living daylights out of ourselves, and ultimately causing us to miss the point completely.

I recently saw, on a website where people post opinions and questions about their faith, a guy ask, "are Christian men supposed to shave and are Christian women supposed to 'bob' their hair?". Maybe to some, it's a good question. But honestly, to me, I sat there and stared at it for a few minutes. Is this honestly what we should be wondering about? I mean, come on. Maybe, in that case, I'm wearing the wrong kind of socks, or perhaps I shouldn't take hot showers, or I'm starting to wonder if wearing make-up is wrong... I'm joking of course, but can you see my point?

It's funny how people can get into this huge debate over the little things too. Everyone thinks they have it figured out. We don't. Maybe it is wrong to shave, but it could also be wrong to wear pants instead of skirts. Or maybe vice versa. Who knows? But at the end of the day, we shouldn't worry ourselves with such small details. Don't sit there and ask yourself, "Oh man, I wonder if I will be punished because I shaved my legs today." Instead, focus on the most important thing. Love. God is love and He tells us over and over to love our neighbor, love our parents, love ourselves, love Him. 

So in the end, I think God is concerned with how we walk in love, and won't be too bothered if we got a haircut or not :)